Since this is a blog about my family it's only appropriate that I introduce you to each one of them. First things first, it is important to note that each of my kids possess the rarity of having a totally different hair color. My oldest is blond (white blond), the middle red, and the baby brunette. It's bizarre, but yes for all of your nosey rosies out there, they all have the same daddy.
The first child, the oldest son, the golden child as some would say, will be here on out referred to as Blondie. And he so is a typical blond. Very smart, but not too quick. Very attractive in your cookie-cutter definition of attractiveness. Blond, fit, blue eyes, tan skin...you get the picture. Not me at all. Not his father at all. We're not sure where his genes are from actually, but hey if you are gonna win a lottery why complain - even the gene pool lottery is lucrative. He however is too smart for his own good. Has a lot of that "smart mouth" disease known as back talk. Gets in trouble for trying to be funny and only coming off mildly inappropriate.
For example, I actually had a conference with his gym teacher because during dodge ball he nailed her in the body with the ball. I was like, "well, were you playing against him?"
"Yes, but it wasn't so much that he threw the ball as much as what he said when he threw it".
Evidently Blondie told the teacher she had better watch out because she was an "old lady without his cat-like reflexes". This from an 8 year old. Guess who's cat-like reflexes didn't get to go on the wave pool field trip?
The middle-child, and boy is he the typical middle child, is little red. He's this adorable little red-headed freckle face angel who's emotions are too much for him to handle. He laughs uncontrollably, cries uncontrollably and gets pissing mad - very quickly. He's Daddy's boy when he's with Dad, and Mommy's boy when he's with me. He can hang out with the older boy, and play dolls with his little sister. He doesn't like being alone, but he's the one kid we can count on who sleeps in his own bed.
Little Red is an awesome helper. He just wants to please where the others just want to destroy and create havoc. But little Red isn't perfect, no no no, not by far. Little Red does something the other's don't...little Red stretches the truth. Okay, he's a BIG FAT LIAR to be more accurate.
This boy can tell some crazy stories. He will sell his brother/sister down the river in a heartbeat if it meant getting himself off the hook. He's lied to me, about me, and one time even for me. He lies to get out of trouble, when he can't remember, when he's telling a story, even just for the heck of it I think.
But then again, he's so freaking cute! The good thing though is he isn't a convincing liar. I mean, he doesn't just say, "No, I didn't do it." It's more like, "Spider-man came over and brought the bad guy with him and then they had to call the power-ranger...etc" alerting us immediately to the B.S.
The baby, the girl, is the heathen. The spawn of the devil if you will. She's almost a spitting image of myself, but contains some sort of sparkle in her eyes that I never had. She's also a brunette whereas I was blond. We'll call her the little monster. Because, sadly, that's what she is...a monster. She is the destroyer of all things, and she never sleeps. I mean, she'll catch some shut eye here and there, but for the most part she's up and on the tear 24/7's.
This child is not happy unless the actual sheet is ripped off her bed. She knocks pictures frames from her wall. She pulls out the drawers in her chest of drawers and empties them by discarding clothes throughout her room and closet and then chunks the empty drawers on the floor. She will completely empty out the toy box. And my personal favorite - she pulls her pillows from the pillow cases. She then uses the pillow case as a mini sleeping bag and one of her dolls gets to sleep on the pillow as a bed. And this is all in one night...every night.
The pantry? Forget about it. Cereal boxes have been emptied just for the heck of it. Canned vegetables found under the dining room table with the labels ripped off.
The bathroom? Forget about it. Baby powder, shampoo, lotions, my very expensive cosmetics, and yes, even female products have been known to disappear and then reappear spread throughout some part of the house (more than likely her room).
Wall paper has been ripped and tore from the walls, and I should buy stock in Magic Erasers because I have removed more crayon and pen from my walls with them. Currently however, her room was redecorated by herself using a sharpie. Haven't found anything to remove that one yet. We'll repaint when she's 12. Until then, she's living with it.
She's also very stubborn. She refuses to potty train - and she'll be three next month. She knows what it's all about, but she just chooses not too. I'm too exhausted to fight it and know that I'm going to be cleaning up after this chick for the rest of her life so why not continue wiping her butt for another year?
But the thing about this little monster is that even through all this (and the spankings she gets from all this) she hugs with such passion. Her sparkling eyes look to you like you are the only person who matters and her words sing right out of her perfect pink lips, "I love you Mommy, Ballerina." (She calls most girls ballerinas - we don't know why). And then she wraps her arms around you, closes her eyes and does the squeeze and the moan, like she's hugging you up inside her.
She also does the same thing when she eats. She closes her eyes at each bites and moans a little as she takes it all in.
So, these are my life. My three little reproductions, future contributors to society. They provide me with so much entertainment, so much joy, and yet so much annoyance it's unreal.
